Maybe someday

Before my wedding, I called you. You were happy to hear my voice. Then I told you I was getting married. Because I was tired of being lonely. Because I found someone who loved me and sometimes made me feel the way I did when I was with you. You asked me if I was happy and, unwilling to lie, I told you I believed I could be.

You were quiet. Then you softly said, “My girl is getting married.” And I begged you for a reason to call it off and fly home to you. But you couldn’t give me one. You wouldn’t give me one. You wanted me to have a shot at a normal life, even if it meant losing me to someone else. So you wished me well instead.

I don’t remember if I told you then that I would always love you. That it would always be you in my life. But you must have known that. If not at that moment, then surely a few days later when I called you again. And every stolen moment on the phone after that, whispering to you in the small hours of the morning, waking up in the dead of the night just to hear your voice again and make sure you were still there—hear you promise you’d always be around.

Now I can’t call you anymore. No matter what the hour of day or night, there are no numbers I can punch on the tiny screen in my hand that will bring you back to me, bring back your voice telling me you’re still there. Now you are nowhere. And everywhere. So my fingers still dial the air, and I still wake up in the middle of the night asking you for a reason to come home.



One thing that’s true

I’ve loved you for so long—for so much of my life—that I don’t remember what it was like anymore, not having this aching, this longing for you inside me. Not having these dreams that have no chance of coming true. Insistent dreams that I dream anyway, because I’ve spent a lifetime dreaming them.

I remember one night, many years ago, after I had flown far, far from you. I was crying. We were on the phone and I was crying, telling you I was afraid I had flown so far that eventually you would forget me. And you told me to hush, to stop crying. That none of it was true. That you were at the age when you knew what was forever and what wasn’t. And that we would last longer than that, whether you saw me again or not.

Well, I’ve reached that age. I’m as old now as you were that night. I never thought you would be the one to fly away, too permanently far to ever return. And I finally understand what you tried to tell me. Because I still love you. And now I know, too, what lasts forever. And forever is too short to tell the story of how hopelessly I’m still in love with you, and how I will always be yours, whether I see you again or not.


Always and forever is such a long and lonely time

A killer song for you.


Dave Matthews

One last kiss, one only
Then I’ll let you go
Hard for you I’ve fallen
But you can’t break my fall
I’m broken don’t break me
When I hit the ground

Some devil some angel
Has got me to the bones
You said always and forever
Now I believe you baby
You said always and forever
Is such a long and lonely time

Too drunk and still drinking
It’s just the way I feel
It’s alright
Is what you told me
Cause what we had was so beautiful
I feel heavy like floating
At the bottom of the sea

You said always and forever
Now I believe you baby
You said always and forever
Is such a long and lonely time

Some devil is stuck inside of me
Why can’t I set it free
I wish, I wish I was dead and you were grieving
Just so that you could know
Some angel is stuck inside of me
But I cannot set you free

You said always and forever
Now I believe you baby
You said always and forever
Such a long and lonely time

Stuck inside of me


Why don’t you steal what you can keep?

17 years, 15 days, and counting. I’ve known and loved you for more than half of my entire lifetime now. You will prove to be my doom, my greatest hope and my most desperate falling. But I accept that because no one else — no other love — is more precious to me.

Belated happy anniversary, darling.

Elvis Costello, Burt Bacharach

When I go to sleep, you become my thief
Why don’t you steal what you can keep?
But you won’t let me be
You break into my dreams
And every day seems different

Sometimes I pretend you’ll come back again
And you’ll console the heart you stole
Have pity on the man
Who knows that you have gone
And has begun to break down

I feel almost possessed
So long as I don’t lose this glorious distress then
You can take all I have left
I know it’s over
If you can’t be my lover
Be my thief

I’m so drowsy now, I’ll unlock the door
What fades in time will hurt much more
So here’s that happy scene
Where you come back to me
It’s only found in fiction

I feel almost possessed
So long as I don’t lose this glorious distress then
You can take all I have left
I know it’s over
If you can’t be my lover
Be my thief.



After I’d forgotten all about us


Trisha Yearwood

I was standing at the counter, I was waiting for the change
When I heard that old familiar music start
It was like a lighted match had been tossed into my soul,
It was like a dam had broken in my heart

After taking every detour, getting lost and losing track
So that even if I wanted, I could not find my way back
After driving out the memory of the way things might have been
After I’d forgotten all about us, the song remembers when

. . .

I guess something must have happened and we must have said goodbye
And my heart must have been broken, though I can’t recall just why
The song remembers when

Well, for all the miles between us, and for all the time that’s passed
You would think I haven’t gotten very far
And I hope my hasty heart will forgive me just this once
If I stop to wonder how on earth you are

But that’s just a lot of water underneath the bridge I burned
And there’s no use in backtracking around corners I have turned
Still I guess some things we bury are just bound to rise again
For even if the whole world has forgotten, the song remembers when

Even if the whole world has forgotten,
The song remembers when.